smile

This is for you.

Always leaves me with a smile,
A while, since it has been there
So much better than my deadly glare.
Ironic really, the story tells
Forced, abused - pain itself.
Yet always laughing, joking with me
As if, beyond eyes, truth can see.
Fatigued with misery, dreams to be free
Can’t see the leaves, nor the roots of this tree.

Understanding is difficult, advice impossible
Every other step, is more like an obstacle.
Keep struggling I say, and remember to pray
God will guide you from going astray.
Can’t leave the house, ‘dads about’,
No doubt. Like to dress in those clothes,
Freedom of choice? Um, not really, no…

Proving innocence by saying yes
Repulsive how people second guess.
An upward strife, or downward spiral
You will win with that spirit of survival.
Dismissed the comments and kept on going
Fighting so hard your tears aren’t showing.

Peace be with you

Sabr, the Islamic term translated commonly as ‘Patience’ is used numerous times in the Qur’an and Hadith. As with other words used in these texts, the meaning has far more depth than the simple closest translation.

This week I learnt about a saying of the second Khalif, Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (RA) on sabr. He described it as two*:

- The lesser sabr. This is where one is faced with difficulty, and they are patient. For example, the loss of something dear to you requires patience for you to get through that difficulty.
- The greater sabr. This is where you are being enticed by Shaitan, by your desires and you control yourself. For example the temptation to go out and do something you shouldn’t, but preventing yourself.

This really struck me. I have always thought about the first kind of patience, where you are landed in a situation and you are tested with how you deal with it. Do you throw a punch or do you walk away. Do you put up with the test or do you give up.

But the greater test, as Umar (RA) so rightly said, is the inner test of endurance. That battle between you and your desires. See this test is more difficult to say no to, its that rush of following your heart over your mind, of following your temptations over what you know is right. When your friends are telling you one thing but your conscience another. And I know I fail that test every day.

One of the definitions for being steadfast is ‘an unwavering faith’, that you don’t compromise in what you believe. If I know I should do something, do I do it. And perhaps even harder, if I know I shouldn’t do something, do I do it anyway.

I recently said to someone; “You have to be strong to be patient, You have to be patient to be strong.” Easier said than done, but rest assured, as God says in the Qur’an on numerous occasions; Indeed He is with those who are patient. What more can I ask for?

* I’ll try and find an accurate reference for this, at the moment I’ve just paraphrased off my notes from the circle.

I’m going to kill myself, it’s too much to bear
On my tenth pill, I think I’m almost there.
The house is empty. They left me all alone.
He cheated. Then told me over the phone
Ripped out my heart and tore it into pieces
So I gave it him back to iron out the creases
Or so I thought. I really am naïve
Pulled out another trick from under his sleeve.

Forget the warnings, I want the fantasy
Smile at day to cry at night - reality is tragedy
Tears wont stop flowing, I’m sick of asking why
Every single step has been a lie, after lie.
No. Not him. I lied to myself.
Blindfolded and stumbling, turning down the help.
When I fall its no surprise that I can’t get up
Open my eyes? It’s much easier just to bluff.

I made sure he knew, on the third pill or two
Hope he feels guilty, heart skips a beat or two.
Phone constantly ringing, my friends seem to care
Don’t pick up, they’re never really there.
I think it’s time to end it. Pull out a knife.
Before I had a chance. Now I don’t even have a life.

That should be the end. But really it’s not.
I couldn’t go through with it. Full stop.

?

I wanted to give a picture of what some young people go through during their teenage years. I quote City of Men “When you’re 15 you think everythings going to last forever. But it doesnt. There aren’t any good things that last forever, but there aren’t any bad things that never end.”

Another deep track. Transcribed lyrics from Akala website.

Akala – I don’t know (Lyrics)
Read the rest of this entry »

Powerful words cause commotion
Rock the boat so full of emotion
The wind blows making trees sway
Will I act this day to change my way
Or wait until I have something to say

Life is a miracle, with an instruction manual
Read it, understand it…then blow out the candle
Can’t see light at the end of the tunnel
Stop looking at life through a funnel
The possibilities are endless in the mind
Now how do I get past the limit of time

I opened my mouth but no words came out
Think I’m ready to bring change about?

Such a deep meaning. Transcribed from Akala website.

Akala – Something Inside My Head (Lyrics)
Read the rest of this entry »

I am blessed with the clothes on my back
Food in my stomach and a family who care
Roof over my head and money to snack
Excellent company so honest and fair
Gadgets, toys and luxuries of modernity
To be ungrateful? It perplexes me. Absurdity.
If I don’t recognise just how lucky I am
How do I expect to remain as I am
Why should He continue to grant favours
When all I do is read through the papers
Motions go by but actions remain the same
Somehow have the audacity to complain
I will be tested, that’s for sure
The results are where I hit the floor.

Peace be with you people of planet earth…and that.

I’ve finally finished my Design Technology A2 project…yes, I am now very tired.

So a little background. basically last year I made a ‘table’. I wasn’t very enthusiastic about that project so this year my teacher suggested doing a scratch build (making a computer case from scratch) because he knew I was into computing and so on. I liked this concept idea that I came up with about being ‘Powered by YM’ - which goes in with the computer processor theme as shown here:

As you can see, it takes the ‘Intel Inside’ concept design used by Apple and but hosts the YM logo.

Here’s the design I came up with for my final case:

Since October/November time I’ve been working on this project (involves a lot of boring folderwork), designing and consulting my client etc. Just to clarify, what I made was a desktop computer case which holds the internal components of a computer - Just like the box you have on your desk.

There is a huge community of people who either do ‘case mods’ or ’scratch builds’ and they share their projects in ‘Project logs’. These are basically full worklogs of making the project from start to finish, complete with pictures documenting the entire process.

You can see my project log here

And here’s a few pictures of the final thing, unfortunately I don’t get to take it home so I can test it in a ‘working environment’ but it’s good enough I guess:

Yes, it is a fully functioning computer fitted with lights and 3 120mm Silent Fans. Check out the worklog for more pictures and how I did it!

Update: Teachers have given me an A

Peace

There are black spots on my heart
Every day we sin, where do I start?
When I slip, the blackness smothers
Slowly losing my chances to recover
My heart is black. Too late to turn back.
Repeat the crime always on the attack
Compassion and mercy - distant now
I remember asking that question, how?
Avoid the situations to prevent hurt
Never think to ask what is this worth.
Soon it will take my loved ones away
Like an oil spill - hazard on the way.

Peace be with you.

I did this for a show called ‘Pause for Thought’ on BBC Radio 2. It aired around Tuesday 25th March 08.

Transcript:

Ticking away with the day… Sometimes I sit at the computer for hours, I’m sure everyone does it. Just browsing the many websites out there, perhaps see what the latest is on my favourite forums. Then all of a sudden you glance at the clock and think…wow. What did I do with all that time?!

They say time is money so it makes sense that people say ‘stop wasting your time’. The difference is whilst money can be replenished once it has been spent, time can’t. As a Muslim the most precious thing to me is my time. As God says in the Qur’an: “By Time, Indeed mankind is at loss – except those who have faith and do righteous deeds…”

They say ‘life is a series of serious choices’. I often think about my 6th form education – why am I really at school? And can a few exams and essays really determine my future?

I’m at that stage in life where I have to make ‘life changing decisions’. Choosing to go away from home for University was difficult. My parents want me to stay and I want to go. I find myself torn between the wishes of my parents and my own desires. Prioritising things in life seems to have become something of an issue, as maturity sets in you begin to realise not everything is about ‘you’.

Testing times have always made me think and reflect on life. I always end up laughing at my situation when comparing it to the difficulties that so many other young people are going through in the world, whether it be fighting to stay alive another night or being killed in their classroom.

Being a young Muslim is pretty difficult in the current climate. My peers at school might joke about ‘blowing things up’ or the current one is ‘how are your plans to take over the world’. Although these are just young guys joking, I find it hard to comprehend how anyone could see faith as something violent. To me it has always been about seeking peace – both inner and outer. The word Islam is derived from the word salaam which means peace. Surely any human who desires to bring peace would want to alleviate the suffering in the world, not add to it.

Looking to the future always gives me hope. I always have something to work towards. But I mustn’t forget that my future is only what I work for today.