Riddles and mixed messages are what I promote
Like telling you my mind is tied to a rope
Running down that non-existent hill
with hopes to witness the morning chill.

The lines between fantasy and reality are blurred
Fatality appears to be my favourite word
With every action, pain incurs
so I no longer listen nor am I heard.

How can I remember when I can’t forget
Cold, but somehow not cold enough yet
The frost melts as the sun rises
The sand scarred with shut eyelids.

Honesty is key to ending this
The truth unlocks a vast abyss
Neverending
Profound
Ignorance -
destroys bliss.

I live the days as they come, he says
What happens tomorrow - I can’t guarantee today
So why bother trying to be something I’m not
Striving towards an ends only to end up in a box.

If only lessons could be learnt through words
Life is an experience to be lived, not heard
Yet schooling seems to be the preferred option
Those high horses falling nearest the bottom.

I have a rough idea of the way out
Sketched in my head is an erroneous route.
The checkpoints are determined by ’success’
To which my answers are but a guess.

Right, left, east, west…
Which direction will put my heart at rest?
“Follow this road, then take the second exit.”
Guidance is clear - but on the path I slip.
Plummet into what they call oblivion
Looking to the sky, the sun at meridian.

I once had a vision, it was clear as day
Then the night came and swept it away.
This is why I ask, if indeed you know,
For I understand why, but not the way to go.

Always leaves me with a smile,
A while, since it has been there
So much better than my deadly glare.
Ironic really, the story tells
Forced, abused - pain itself.
Yet always laughing, joking with me
As if, beyond eyes, truth can see.
Fatigued with misery, dreams to be free
Can’t see the leaves, nor the roots of this tree.

Understanding is difficult, advice impossible
Every other step, is more like an obstacle.
Keep struggling I say, and remember to pray
God will guide you from going astray.
Can’t leave the house, ‘dads about’,
No doubt. Like to dress in those clothes,
Freedom of choice? Um, not really, no…

Proving innocence by saying yes
Repulsive how people second guess.
An upward strife, or downward spiral
You will win with that spirit of survival.
Dismissed the comments and kept on going
Fighting so hard your tears aren’t showing.

Sabr, the Islamic term translated commonly as ‘Patience’ is used numerous times in the Qur’an and Hadith. As with other words used in these texts, the meaning has far more depth than the simple closest translation.

This week I learnt about a saying of the second Khalif, Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (RA) on sabr. He described it as two*:

- The lesser sabr. This is where one is faced with difficulty, and they are patient. For example, the loss of something dear to you requires patience for you to get through that difficulty.
- The greater sabr. This is where you are being enticed by Shaitan, by your desires and you control yourself. For example the temptation to go out and do something you shouldn’t, but preventing yourself.

This really struck me. I have always thought about the first kind of patience, where you are landed in a situation and you are tested with how you deal with it. Do you throw a punch or do you walk away. Do you put up with the test or do you give up.

But the greater test, as Umar (RA) so rightly said, is the inner test of endurance. That battle between you and your desires. See this test is more difficult to say no to, its that rush of following your heart over your mind, of following your temptations over what you know is right. When your friends are telling you one thing but your conscience another. And I know I fail that test every day.

One of the definitions for being steadfast is ‘an unwavering faith’, that you don’t compromise in what you believe. If I know I should do something, do I do it. And perhaps even harder, if I know I shouldn’t do something, do I do it anyway.

I recently said to someone; “You have to be strong to be patient, You have to be patient to be strong.” Easier said than done, but rest assured, as God says in the Qur’an on numerous occasions; Indeed He is with those who are patient. What more can I ask for?

* I’ll try and find an accurate reference for this, at the moment I’ve just paraphrased off my notes from the circle.

Forget the warnings, I want the fantasy
Smile at day to cry at night - reality is tragedy
Tears wont stop flowing, I’m sick of asking why
Every single step has been a lie, after lie.
No. Not him. I lied to myself.
Blindfolded and stumbling, turning down the help.
When I fall its no surprise that I can’t get up
Open my eyes? It’s much easier just to bluff.

I made sure he knew, on the third pill or two
Hope he feels guilty, heart skips a beat or two.
Phone constantly ringing, my friends seem to care
Don’t pick up, they’re never really there.
I think it’s time to end it. Pull out a knife.
Before I had a chance. Now I don’t even have a life.

That should be the end. But really it’s not.
I couldn’t go through with it. Full stop.

?

I wanted to give a picture of what some young people go through during their teenage years. I quote City of Men “When you’re 15 you think everythings going to last forever. But it doesnt. There aren’t any good things that last forever, but there aren’t any bad things that never end.”

Akala – I don’t know (Lyrics)

Verse 1

They say ignorance is bliss
Never a truer word spoke
Half the answers only bring more questions that we’ll never know
Even the wise man knows he don’t know much
Still not wise enough to accept it as such
So we chase the questions - seeking direction
Every time we think we’re right - get a swift correction
Whether Muslim or Jew - really don’t matter which
You can’t buy tomorrow no matter how rich
We all bleed and breathe and take shits
And chase the same answers
Though some think are better equipped
But with all the test tubes and test and so-called best
They still don’t know
A theory is just a posh word for a guess
Because you’re in a skyscraper don’t make you different
From those in huts along the Amazon
And not more significant
We’re all the same - all rise all fall
But those on high horses have the furthest to fall

Chorus
The moon and the stars
Fast women and cars
Is this world truly ours?
Or are we just entertainment
Chasing it all we rise and we fall
SAID I DON’T KNOW
x2

Verse 2

They say ignorance is bliss - never believe it
Those who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it
Truth you gotta seek it, wherever its hidden
Or else you’ll find yourself dancing to someone elses rhythm
Mental prison is the worsest kind
You can take my liberty but my mind is mine
Whatever they controlling, never let your brain close in
The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it’s open
Smoking gun but they say they never shoot
No such thing as a fruit without root
Truth not being told will never make it go away
A lie told a thousand times can never take it’s place
They say it’s fate, but take a proper view
They’re trying to hold so many destiny’s in their hands
They’re bound to drop a few
So the more we keep moving, the better chance we got
Everybody knows a rolling stone gathers no moss

Chorus

Verse 3

They say ignorance is bliss, well I ain’t got a clue
All you gotta do is whatever that works for you
But when 6 billion individuals looking out for no. 1
And we got to share the same sun
That’s when the troubles come
That brings us back to where we started
Face to face with the cold-hearted facts
That there are no answers
My head all of this chit-chat
I don’t even smoke
But i’ma go have a spliff and just kick back

Chorus

Outro
You know, don’t ask me
I’m not a prophet
I’m not the answer
I’m just a rapper
A little boy from North London
What you’ve heard for the last 40 minutes
It’s my opinion
My thoughts, my feelings
It’s not right, it’s not wrong
It’s just what it is
It’s just Akala

Life is a miracle, with an instruction manual
Read it, understand it…then blow out the candle
Can’t see light at the end of the tunnel
Stop looking at life through a funnel
The possibilities are endless in the mind
Now how do I get past the limit of time

I opened my mouth but no words came out
Think I’m ready to bring change about?

Akala – Something Inside My Head (Lyrics)

Verse 1

They wonder why the caged bird sings
But even worse a pain
Is the bird with lead wings
It’s like I’m on my own town
But can’t speak the language
Crowded to the point of suffocation
Still feel stranded
What bandage could heal scars invisible
Existing is easy it’s living that is difficult
It’s like a ritual
I get close to believing
Then I put a fortress up to close in my feelings
Dreaming, so close to achieving
Then I throw it all away
Cos I’m scared to receive it
Living every day in my shadow
I find my resolve
When the cold night swallows that shadow
I travel through the landscape
Searching for why
But the question follows everywhere I go
Like the sky
You don’t understand my soul
Well neither do I

Chorus:
It’s just something inside my head
Won’t set me free
Won’t let me be
It’s just something inside my head
Comin in between you and me
It’s just something inside my head

Verse 2
I wasn’t born this way
My condition was learned
Once bitten twice shy I don’t wanna be burned
When you travel a passage
That leaves your heart ravaged
Your mind waxes placid to limit the damage
Your reaction is passive
Whether you like it or not
You cannot win whether you fight it or not
Your brain swallows the pain and buries it instead
Now..

[Chorus]
It’s just something that guides my
Something that drives my
Something inside my head

Verse 3
I offend myself then avenge myself
And pretend it helps to defend myself
I believe myself then deceive myself
To retrieve myself I don’t need my help
Whether the brave myself or slave myself
It’s strange every day I’m not the same myself
I love myself then I hate myself

[Chorus]